Luke 23:34

The past few weeks I have been praying without ceasing, studying, and trying to let go of my want and need to control my life and what happens in it. I have been trying to understand why certain things have happened and why they continue to happen. I know that my post do not make much sense when I cant disclose details. Suffice it to say that I have had and still have personal problems with one of my family members. They have been pretty much lifelong problems. Everytime I let my guard down and think that they are going to end or that I can put trust in this person again, It never fails that something happens that ruins all the trust that I have built up.

I have a real problem trusting anybody. I have realized over the past few weeks that I can trust. I just have to give it to God. He will carry me through anything I need Him to.

But along with this revelation, I have come to several other revelations. I guess you could call them revelations. I believe that I have gained some wisdom in my life.

Let me start by explaining. It all started a few weeks ago. This person that I have been having problems with has been pretty nice and quiet for the last few months. Not much going on. But then the signs started showing that something was going on. Something that was not going to be pretty. So naturally, I started worrying. I started getting irritated. Mostly because it is never ending...like I said, you trust and then you get hurt. But then my little brain brought something up from past memories and I realized that I had been doing the wrong thing all these years.

All these years, I have been retrusting and retrusting with the same thing. Last summer, my husband told me, "Yes God says to forgive and forget, yes we are supposed to forgive, not seven times but seven times seventy. But if I laid a hundred dollar bill down on the table and Rick took it, does that mean I am supposed to lay another hundred dollar bill down there when Rick is around? " (Rick would never still, just an example...and he preached this in Church right in front of RIck too so...) "No, I'm not. God doesnt tell me to be stupid. Just forgive him and forget it but learn from it. " Now, if Rick needed the $100 and we had it, we would gladly give it but he dont and we dont so....lol.

I realized that all these years, yes I have been forgiving and forgetting but have I been learning? Have I been retaining what I learn from these experiences and putting that knowledge to use. NO I HAVE NOT! Because I have let it hurt me over and over and over. Not saying that it wont hurt if I learn from it, but just not the same things or the same ways. I cant be stupid enough to let the same trap be laid. I have to be smart enough to not to let myself believe that this person wont do the same things again. Yes I forget the incident that happened 6 months ago, but I dont let myself get hurt my that same thing again. I learned from it and because I learned from it, I am staying out of this one. I am an observer, not a participant.

I have had this unusual peace about my life the past few weeks. I have Given it To GOD! I know He is greater than I and I know that HE can handle it when I cant. I am believing and trusting in HIM to show me how I can deal with the latest episode if I even have to deal with it.

In my thoughts today as I prepare to go to Church Camp. I have been going over in my mind scriptures that I have studied that have helped. But one that I havent studied and one that I should have and one that I am now reciting in my mind, is Luke 23:34.

34Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots. (http://www.biblegateway.com/)

If Jesus can forgive the people that beat him and cursed him and spat upon him and hung him on a cross to die, then I can surely forgive anything that anyone does to me. Surely. I know I am not Jesus, I dont claim to be. I just know that in my strife to be more Christ like, I need to forgive. If he can forgive all the awful things that they did, then I can forgive what little has been done to me.

I've learned my lesson. Not saying it wont hurt if something else happens. (I'm praying for a miracle, I am praying for Gods healing in this person. It is in His hands afterall.) But saying that I can forgive and not let it affect my life in negative ways.

I hope this helps someone out there. I know it has helped me even more just putting it in words on paper (or computer screen).

Many blessings and prayers.
Crystal