Struggles

I think that I have set too high of an expectation for myself this week. I still want to get all the stuff done in my list but I am really not getting anywhere and it is wednesday. Monday, we all felt really awful. Alaina was cranky all day, Jason was really fussy and Kylie refused to mind. Tuesday, we got some stuff done but then we had to go to Wal-Mart and to run some more errands and before we even got through in wal mart, Jason was so fussy, he was literally screaming. So...we left without getting everything we needed. Kylie even had to scan stuff at the self checkout for me because i was holdin jason. I guess it is bad to teach a 3 yr old to spend money huh.....oh well.

We have also been struggling with school. How do you deal with a 3 yr olds stubborn decision that she is not going to say her ABC's today and no she does not know what that number is today but she did an hour ago and she will when daddy gets home. And she does not want mommy to teach her, she wants to go to school with (cousin). We have explained to her why we want to teach her at home and she thinks it is great until we get around (cousin) and they say something about when she gets to go to school. Then for a couple of weeks we have this struggle and then she is okay, providing she does not see said cousin for that time period and gets it out of her system.

I am also struggling with my attitude towards my children here lately. I have been trying to be more calm and less stressed with them. I have been trying to do what "Raisng Godly Tomatoes" calls tomatoe staking. But it is really hard to do when you have such variable days like the past two. I get really frustrated with myself when I dont get a certain amount of stuff done in one day. (ask Paul) When I get frustrated, I take it out on the kids and paul like they did something wrong when in acutallity, no body did anything wrong, I just did not meet my too high expectations. I mean, with a newborn and two very demanding toddlers, can you really expect to have a spotless house, homeschool the oldest, make homemade foods instead of store bought, take computer time to check orders on internet business, and run errands and sew? I think not, but yet that is what i expect myself to do. I guess It comes from not ever feeling like I was good enough growing up. That is another reason for homeschooling my children besides the obvious wanting to teach them the Bible and schools now days wont even let them pray. I grew up just like other kids, being compared to each other by everyone else and I never felt like I measured up. I was never as good as the other kids. I dont want my kids to feel that way, I want them to be confident.

My struggles as a child and teenager have carried over into adult hood. I go through the day feeling like if I dont have a spotless house then i am not a good enough wife and mother. HAHA It hit me last night that while my husband would like a spotless house that he woud be more pleased to come home to a happy family instead of mom yelling at the kids or so stressed because she didnt get everthing done that she cant relax and spend time with him. The house will be spotless in future years. When all three kids are old enough to help in all areas of homemaking. Right now they help but they are not big enough to do even 3/4 of what has to be done to keep a home spotless. But that is part of teaching the girls to be homemakers. I also realized last night how much I am missing out on laughing with them. Kylie popped herself in the mouth with a ponytail holder. She was trying to pop it at paul to get some attention because we were talking. and it popped the wrong way. I know it wasn't funny to her because she hurt but it was hilarious to me because I realized how silly she is . It made her laugh too and we all had a good time out of it. I need to laugh more. So I am posting a goal of at least 2 things that I will do with my kids today that is out of the ordinary. I will play with them in their room for at least 20 minutes. and I will do one thing that one of them wants to do. Maybe if I do this everyday, I can enjoy my day more and get more done around the house also if we are all in good moods instead of stressed or begging for attention. Now if Jason will just cooperate.

If I get alot of stuff accomplished today, I will try and post some pictures tonight if I can get them to post.

Love and Prayers.