Thoughts

Some thoughts that are going round in my head after my awful...awful...and yes I will say it again....awful day...It really was.

*** My day is not as bad as some peoples. Some people dont have the blessings that I have, some women, dont have the wonderful husband that I do coming home to them at night. I am very blessed.

**** I could have made my day better, I just didnt put the energy into it. I should have...

**** Next time my DR. PEPPER gets spilled, I will take it as a sign from God that I dont need it and go exercise instead of getting upset over spilled "milk".

*** I am having an okay night, my kitten is still alive (had a scary night last night), my kids are being have now, my hubby is home and is so sweet, Jack helped me cook supper so that I wasnt so stressed about that. And I got another DR.PEPPER (see told ya my hubby is sweet)...

***** When I went to the grocery store to get wic, I seen a lady that works there who had a baby in Sept. Her baby is fine, she is back to work, and Jason was happy because he got to see his Peggy...lol.

*** I love the smell of the heaters...It is so comforting and as cold as it is going to get tonight, they are going to be going all night.

*** I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and walls that keep me mostly warm. It is a trailer so it is kinda drafty but hey, I am not homeless and that is a blessing. I feel like I should do something to help them.

**** I have a whole lot of stuff for a yard sale. But I dont like Yard Sales and I get grouchy when I have to have one. I dont mind going to them and shopping, I just dont like having them. So I think I will take all my stuff to a Women in Crisis Center nearby....or ask my Cop Neighbor if He knows anyone who can use it. He works with a lot of homeless and less fortunate people.

***I am glad that I have a cop for a neighbor who is so nice and helpful. If Paul has to go on the road working, It will be very nice to have him close (plus he just went on full disability reserve so he is home now most of the time....instead of out patroling...)

***** I am glad to have Jack here. He is a big help and if Paul goes out on the road, he will be here to help and between him and the cop, I dont feel so scared...(we have some not so good neighbors too...)

****The sound of silence in my house as everyone settles in for the night. The kitten even sleeps all night.

*** And last but not least, I have been struggling here lately with something that I could do to help make money and take some of the burden away from Paul. I have come up with ideas and dreams of going back to college and getting my nursing or pshycology degree (to be a Christian Counselor) but both things require time away from my family that I am not willing to spend just to make a dime...I have prayed about this, gotten angry because I cant do it, gotten mad at my kids because if they werent here, I could do it...or if I put them in school thenI could do it. I have struggled so much with this. Well, Sunday, Paul gave a lesson on Attitude and what our attitude is about what God has given us...Well, it was a lesson packed full of wisdom on several things but what hit me on the head was that I was given a job by God...to be a keeper at Home...to put my heart and soul into being a Godly wife and mother and to teach my kids and to be there for my husband. If HE wanted me to do any other job, HE would have put a way for me to do it. If HE wants me to ever do another job, HE will pave the way. There is no way if I had a job outside the home that I could give this home and my family 100%. My home would turn into just another house...... I make this house a home by having it ready for my family all the time, it is ready for my kids when they get up in the morning, it is ready for my husband when he comes home at night, it is something that we can be a family in...

So I am opening my heart to Gods will and learning to be happy with the lot that I was cast. It isnt what I had planned but it is what I have and what I am. And if I might say so, the hugs and kisses make it worth it.

Oh yeah...and when I was asking what the girls wanted to dress up as for Halloween( we dont do scary costumes...) Alaina wanted to be a princess cause she is fascinated with princesses here lately...and Kylie, well, Kylie being herself, shocked me again as usual..She wants to be a mommy because mommy's are the best..... (tears...tears...). She knows how to pull at this mommas heart...

goodnight to all...and many blessings your way.

Crystal