Scary I know...the things that go around in my head. I have gotten alot of stuff organized around here lately and I have gotten my house back on track. My house, not my home. My kids are still disobeying, they argue, they throw fits and I get really really mad. I get so frustrated that there are days that I ask God "WHY ME?" But then I turn right around and tell Him I am sorry and ask Him to please let me learn patience and let me show my kids that I love them and that they really do mean the world to me.
I have read several blogs in the last few months in which the authors are being very real. I have always been very afraid to be completely real on here. Afraid of what people will think and what they will say about me. But I can't deny that my life is crazy and hectic and that there are days when I really want to throw it all up in the air and go to work and put my kids in school. But those are the days too that something really good happens or they make me laugh and I immediately say I'm sorry and renew my resolve and my purpose of rearing my kids in a loving Godly environment. Which means I can't yell and scream.
It is getting better though these past couple of weeks. I had a thought hit me one day....(yeah they do that just hit me all of a sudden).... I have been looking at Character Training sites. I have found several as I am sure you all know. I have found the many characters of honesty, obedience, kindness and so on....I want to teach my kids love first. I want to teach them about the love that God has for them. I believe that if you teach them about the Love of God first, that honesty and obedience and kindness will all come easier and in their own time. 1 Cor. 13:13 says that the greatest of these is Charity (love). If I dont have Love, It is harder for me to have faith, hope or patience.
This all may sound a little crazy to alot of you but this is what has went through my head the last couple of weeks. Just more on how to teach my kids. I had all but given up hope and then the thought came to me that I have to teach them love first. The rest will fall into place. So that is our journey right now. That is what I'm praying for, is guidance in loving my kids in a way that they will learn to love.
I also have stuff going on in my head about my husband. He is such a wonderful man. He has been doing stuff around our house to improve it, He has been doing things to make more money since his job got cut back. We paid off one of our bills the other day. He finished putting my quilting machine together so that I can start quilting. (My way of making extra money). He has been giving me breaks whenever he can. He has been helping me with laundry and cooking since he has been home more. All these things that he doesnt have to do...he is doing. He is so wonderful. We had a guest speaker at Church Sunday so Paul didnt have to preach. He held Jason for most of the service so that I could actually listen to the lesson. He has the talent of being able to listen and hold kids..I dont. He knew this so he held Jason while I got to take in a wonderful lesson. Last night, he grated up my soap for laundry detergent (I usually use an old blender to chop it up but my blender went out a couple of weeks ago and my newer blender I just dont want to use for soap..) but he sat and grated it for me. I am just so filled with love for him.
I am going to be a little busier here in the next few weeks because I have a yard sale to do and I need to start quilting on some quilts that I have already made and see if I can get them sold. I also am going to start doing an online photography course...I havent made up my mind yet which one but I got a new camera the other day and photography is something I have always been interested in and loved doing. I am also going to go ahead and start the girls with school stuff even though I cant order any books right now. I have enough free stuff off of the internet that I can get them started. So between my "school", the girls school, quilting and just everyday life, we are going to be quite crazy around here. Plus, Julie is due to have her baby boy the end of this month and my dad is supposed to have surgery this week. (He may not have it).
Thats what is going around in my head here lately,,,what thoughts are in yours? Do you have days like mine with your kids or do you have yours trained? Are yours older so as you dont have the same problems I do or are they younger? Please let me know. I know it is crazy but sometimes, it feel like I am all alone in this world of unminding and challenging children. I know I am not, but it sure feels that way alot.
Many blessings and prayers your way.
Crystal
**************Side NOTE!******** I have some very good and thought provoking comments on this post. Please read them also as they have helped me and made me think more on this topic. Thank You Kelli and IN Pursuit of His Call *******************
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Things in my head
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4 comments:
Crystal - I am thankful for your transparency in this post...I have a friend who has 1 daughter the same age as my first, 2 years old. Whenever we get together her daughter is so gentle and well behaved and very obedient. My friend never has a complaint about her daughter...Potty training went smoothly for her...Transitioning to a toddler bed went smoothly for her...etc...Therefore, my friend is always praising her daughter...I want to do the same about my children, but I find myself always expressing the challenges I have because my children are challenging...Anyway, not that I compare myself to this friend, but whenever I do get together with her, I always feel so inadequate as a mom and always feel like I am not doing a good job because my children are disobedient and they do throw tantrums and sometimes I do want to just leave...Therefore, I do thank you for your transparency with your struggles because sometimes I wonder if my friend is really being real...To me, your transparency is encouraging because when you talk about the source of your strength to persevere it is evident that it is not your strength getting through those tough times, but God's. It just proves that HE is faithful...
Your endeavor in teaching your children love is awesome and in line with the 2 greatest commandments...to love God and then to love others...And as you said...all else will fall into place when love is learned...
Thanks for your thoughts!!!
I have a question...
Where do you find your customers? I do not quilt, but I do crochet...I tried starting a crocheted afghan/blanket business, but could not get it jump started...
Crystal!! I am standing right beside you, bloggy style :0), listening closely, encouraging you in the reality of my same struggles as a mother who desperately desire to train her children in the love of the Lord. Let me share something that I have been learning the hard way:
We mothers must come to the realization that we can teach and preach and yell and scream (hopefully we won't resort to that but I think we all do on some days thinking that is what it takes to get through to them) at our children the love of God but if our example says otherwise we have failed. Children will do what we do before they do what we say! Luke 6:40 ...everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher! We are their teachers, in the end of all our teaching they will be like us. They will disregard our words and step in our footprints instead.
If am preaching and not practicing then I am like the pharisees Jesus talks about in Matthew 23 to my children. We must start with ourselves, look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, now test yourself, replace your name with the word love, where do you stand with love? I failed miserably!
Something else is that we are not going to beable to obtain all of these automatically, it will take time. I believe it is important for our children to know that we to are in a process of sancitification, that we are not perfect either, that we struggle with things and that is why we all need the perfect sacrafice of Jesus Christ, He lived the perfect life for us because we can not. We are authourity over our children and they look up to us and I know that placing ourselves on the same level as a child of God with them does not deminish that in anyway but it does remind us of our level of maturity and motivate us or at least me to hold myself accoutable and in a higher standard because of my level of higher maturity and holding as teacher. Think about that us as: Child in one sense and Teacher in another.
We need to be patient with our progress and that of our children. When we begin to produce fruits of love we will begin to see our children in turn producing fruits of love for they will hear our words and see our actions and the power of them working together will show through in their lives and hearts through the work of the Holy Spirit not our own.
The fruit of love can not be obtained by our own lonely efforts, we must rely and trust in the Holy Spirit to work His POWER in us and through us through prayer and deep meditation in His word.
Woo Hoo... many words... to many words... I enjoyed unloading many of my thoughts on parenting on you!! Sorry if some of them make little to no sense,you will be in my prayers in this journey of love my friend.
JOYfully in Him,
Kelli
In my Gi-normous letter I mean comment I forgot to tell you of course you can link to my post! :0)
JOYfully in Him,
Kelli
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