Gods Blessings!

In light of my precious niece Claire's upcoming birthday (Feb. 15th she will be 3), I decided to write a post in tribute to my sister. It is a post about her struggle with infertility. Or more so about how it feels to watch someone you love go through that struggle.

Julie married Charlie when I was 16 almost 17. Almost immediatly, they experienced loss. Sad loss. I remember watching their pain and their struggle and not really understanding why they were so sad and why they couldnt just try for another one. I mean I understood that it was sad that they had lost a baby but not ever being married or pregnant, I couldnt grasp that concept fully.

Over the next 7 years, I stood on the sidelines while they lost child after child. It wasnt fair. Each time, Igrieved over every loss and ached inside that I couldnt fix the problem. (Remember my post on wanting to fix everything and how I ususally could. I couldnt fix their problem.) Julie and I watched a baby story one time (The show on TLC) where a sister had carried a baby for her sister that couldnt have one. It was very heartwarming but at the same time heartwrenching. I honestly could not ever give up a child that I carried. And Julie never asked me too. And, I honestly always thought that we would do things like that together, growing up we were almost like twins. Even to this day, even though we are like night and day sometimes, I will go shopping where I live and four hours away where she lives she will go shopping and we will buy the same thing. After she got married, we would often show up to Church wearing the same outfit or the same colors or have our hair fixed the same. We still do this somehow. When we go down for a weekend, we usually end up at Church in similar clothes.

Through 7 years, only once did I experience the kind of loss that my sister has experienced so many times. I can only know a small fraction of her hurt. In 2003, I became pregnant with Kylie. My precious Kylie. Shortly before I became pregnant with Kylie, Julie silently suffered another loss. My agony over her loss and me being able to carry one was awful. The joy that you are supposed to experience when you have a child was not fully lived when Kylie was born. I was angry with God because I had been able to carry one and Julie hadnt. Remember we were supposed to do stuff like that together. I wanted so bad for Julie to have her own by that time. I did not want to have kids before her, It just wasnt right. Julie however, loved Kylie like she was her own. I know it hurt her to see me with a baby when she kept experiencing loss, but she weathered it like a champ. She was never anything but loving and kind towards me and Kylie.

God does things in his own time though, all in His precious time. When Kylie was 6 months old, Paul and I decided that another child would be nice. So we started trying. Then we found out that Julie was pregnant. A very shaky pregnancy because she had a few problems with her hormones. So we decided to quit trying and let her have her time. God again had different plans. In February of 07, Julie gave birth to Claire Victoria Rose. In March 07, just three short weeks later, we welcomed Alaina Jae Dawn. We had finally experienced something life changing together, just four hours away from each other. Kylie, Claire and Alaina are the best of friends. It was funny when we were pregnant with Claire and Alaina, if Kylie cried, they went nuts in our tummy's. Its like they were telling us that she was upset and needed us. Sometimes I wonder which kid is whose. Kylie acts so much like her Aunt Julie that in truth she ought to be hers. I have often said that she cant be like my sister because she is my child. But in truth it is nice having her here because I feel like I have a part of Julie with me everyday.

When I became pregnant with Jason, I agonized over telling Julie. We werent trying to get pregnant, He was an oops (or as my late and dear friend Wilma would have put it, God had everything to do with him. He's not an oops, he is a blessing.) Well before I could tell Julie that I was pregnant, she informed me that she was pregnant with Lily. So yet again, we embarked on the pregnancy journey together. Hers was a little more rocky than mine but in the end, God prevailed and we have two healthy wonderful almost one year olds. (Jason will be one March 1st and Lily May 1st).

Watching my sister go through this has been in a nutshell, (pure h_l_). I hope and pray that my little girls or Jason never have to watch each other go through this. I pray that Claire and Lily never have to watch each other go through it. I pray that if they do, they have the strength and the courage to tell the one experiencing it that they love them and they are there for them. I pray that they dont tell each other that It will be okay or that they can always have another one or that they should be grateful that they werent further along or that they should be glad they didnt have it and then lose it years later. I dont care when you lose your child, when it is 3 weeks into conception or 20 yrs old it all hurts, it is all an undescribable pain. And yes I was guilty of telling her some of these things. I didnt know that I wasnt helping. Now I know better. Now I just tell her that It is in Gods hands and I will Pray for her. Like I am praying now.

In light of Claires 3rd birthday, Julie and Charlie have some wonderful news. Wonderful but not expected. God has his hand in this one. He is in control. I pray for Julies safety. I pray for the Baby's safety. I pray that she carries it until God is ready for it to be born and if it is called home to God, I pray that Her Charlie and the girls are able to put it all in Gods hands.

Most of all, I pray that it is born healthy and that Julie is kept safe. I know it is in Gods hands but Please God dont let her lose this one. Dont let her be sick or hospitalized. Let her have the strength to keep taking care of her precious family and to keep being the wonderful wife and mother and sister and aunt and daughter that she is.

Julie, I am so happy for yall. I hope and pray that everything is safe. I cant wait for you to be a Mom of 3. (Its a blast I tell you) Even when they are as close as Lily and this one will be (remember Kylie and Alaina are 18mths apart and Jason and Alaina are two years apart.) Its actually more fun this way. Remember us growing up. Almost like twins. They are so cute to watch.

Congratulations and Prayers.

Love Ya Sis! (And my brother and my other kids...lol)

Keep her in your prayers will you please.

Love and Prayers
Crystal